Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
