I wish my penis had an off switch
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
