Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
