wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
