you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
