he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The dick lei will go down in squad history
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
