I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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