he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
