I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
