Christians are straight up FREAKS
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
