Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
