shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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