I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize