My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
