I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize