I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
