i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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