does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
