I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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