Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
