Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
