I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
