Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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