Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
