I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
