Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
