Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
