It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
