Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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