Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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