I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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