party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
