Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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