you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
