Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize