Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
