Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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