it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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