nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
