You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
