I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize