So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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