I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
