can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
