yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There are leaves in my underwear?
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