one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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