Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
