she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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