god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
