The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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