It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
