My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
