I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
