apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
