were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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