I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
