if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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