that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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