who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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