i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Bring me that man meat
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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