Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
