we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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