You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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