I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
