Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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