I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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