Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
