wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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