He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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