Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
