She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
